Tag Archives: relationships

by Jackie Potts

1 date, 3 dates, 30 days, marriage? Do you have a standard amount of time you wait before hugging without jammies? Or do you believe arbitrary rules like these ruin the flow of a new thang?

We talked to a handsome, single guy in his 20s who says he used to hook up casually whenever he felt that special attraction. But not anymore.

Now he says he purposely waits a minimum of 30 days before engaging in the no-pants dance. Gianni, 26, says it’s a do-no-harm dating policy he’s developed to spare himself, but also women, unnecessary pain and drama.

“Men mistake physical attraction for mental compatibility,” he explains.

Go onnnnn, we said, not at all creepily.

“You see, I’ll talk on the phone with a girl for hours if I’m attracted to her,” he continues. That’s because before intimacy, he says he’d meet someone and find everything about her magical and compatible. She was an actuarian? No way! He’d always wanted to do that too! A wheelchair thief? Sweet! A petty crime rapsheet is so bra, bra.

But too many times, he says, once intimacy happened — Poof! The attraction disappeared, and suddenly stealing wheelchairs seemed kind of lame. And then although his attraction was gone – hers, perhaps sparked by the release of the “cuddle hormone” oxtyocin, had doubled or tripled.

As a result, his partner now expected a relationship, while he was ready to hit the bricks. He’d stop calling; she’d get upset.

“They always thought there was something wrong with them,” he says. “But there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me.”

By giving them both time to wait out the hormones, the 30-Day Rule took care of these painful misunderstandings. So tell us, is there an intimacy rule that works for you?

Jackie Potts is a blogger for Marketsmiths.com.

by Jackie Potts

Do you play hard to get when you meet someone you really like? Or do you go all in with excited texts and phone calls?

Two new psychology studies are making the case for both (a) playing hard to get and (b) just saying no to sex on the first few dates if you want to find True Wuv. And not just for women, but for guys too.

The less available a person is, the more a crush is willing to invest time and money in them, according to the European Journal of Personality. Women surveyed said they played hard to get by acting self-confident, talking to other people, and withholding sex.

Aha, you might be thinking. But I don’t want a relationship. I just wanna hit it and quit it! Or I just want to casually date and see where things go.

In that case, if you’re a guy looking for a fling, be impossible to get, advises study author Peter Jonason, Ph.D. Ostensibly, because women really do like men who seem like a challenge.

Of course, you also run the risk of sleeping alone, and being wildly unpopular with the ladies – especially if you wear eyeliner and a feather boa like that creepy Mystery guy from “The Pickup Artist.”

However, if you are looking for a relationship, neither of you should give up the goodies too easily, clucks Study 2, or you’ll fall into the dreaded Pit of Despair.

Of 11,000 couples together for at least one year, those who got it on within the first few weeks of dating admitted they had less relationship satisfaction, communication, and stability compared with twosomes who waited or abstained (that means no hoopdi-hoo) entirely, according to the Journal of Sex Research. (C’mon, this is a real publication? We couldn’t believe it either!)

“We all want honesty in dating, but it’s never going to happen,” Jonason dourly told NBC.com.  “We’re not overtly lying, but we’re always trying to marry up.”

Sounds like Jonason is nursing a bit of a broken heart. After all, we know at least three happily married couples who all consummated on the first date. So tell us, do you believe in showing your feelings upfront, or playing hard to get? And why?

Jackie Potts is a blogger at Marketsmiths.com.