Category Archives: Dating Tips

April 19, 2013 · 9:16 am

How To Sidestep Shyness

by Sabrina Cohen

The dating world is already daunting. Add in shyness and increase the challenge factor. But all’s not lost: with effort, persistence, courage, and the below tips, even the most timid dater can overcome!

Smile!

A good ol’ fashioned smile is easy to flash. It’s also pleasantly disarming. Smiles have a way of quieting insecurities for both of you—and upping the ante on confidence, friendliness, and fun. It’s also great to precede your smile by making (and holding) eye contact with someone you find attractive. Yes, stare—and use their gaze back as a doorway to connect.

Ask for directions

You’ve gotta be on your toes for this one. If you see someone you like, jump at the opportunity by asking for directions. Be a little proactive: figure out a nearby “faux” spot. Practicing on a regular basis can help you ease out of the shy zone. Spend some time walking around and stopping random people for directions. Warm up by starting with people you don’t want to date. Then move on to more challenging prospects. Remember: no risk, no reward.

Ask about a spot to eat

Go a step further by inquiring about something open-ended, like area eateries. Your question can spark conversation about the neighborhood, food preferences and beyond. Mention having time to kill (hint hint). If the person is interested, it can be your first date!

How do you overcome an attack of shyness? Share your approach below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

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April 11, 2013 · 9:49 am

The Spin: How to Silence Your Cynical Self

by Sabrina Cohen

In the wake of undesirable dating experiences, we often punish ourselves with cynical thoughts, emotions, and conversations—including with ourselves. While we can’t control outside factors, we can control our reactions, and bounce back stronger than ever.

Language dictates attitudes, and attitude dictates behavior. Discouragement and cynicism breed bitterness, and no one finds that attractive. With awareness, we can choose a reaction that’s healthy as opposed to one that will perpetuate more of the same. Review the following examples and notice the power perception plays in how we interpret situations. The next time it all goes to hell, silence your cynical self by practicing the spin.

 

1) Your recent dates have been a barrage of dysfunction.

The cynic: Are there any normal women/men out there?!!

The spin: I’m so ready to meet someone grounded like me.

 

2) All of your friends are coupled up and you’re noticeably single.

The cynic: I must be the only one alone for a reason.

The spin: The right person is worth waiting for.

 

3) Your last breakup had you reeling in heartbreak.

The cynic: I’d rather be alone than risk being hurt.

The spin:  I’m open to finding someone, but I’ll focus on myself till then.

 

4) Your last significant other resented how much time you spent on work.

The cynic: I have to choose between a career and a love life.

The spin: I can have it all! The right person will appreciate my ambition.

 

How do you bounce back from bad dating experiences? Share with us below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

 

 

 

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April 2, 2013 · 9:36 am

Dating Double Standards: Age-Defying Dating

by Sabrina Cohen

Centuries ago men courted women young enough to be their daughters, primarily because they represented fertility. Young women were seen as a viable way to bear children and keep the man’s bloodline going.  In some cultures that perspective is still alive and well.

Today, thanks in part to Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, and of course, Stella Got Her Groove Back, it’s becoming more common and more socially acceptable for women to date much younger men. It’s likely been going on forever, but nowadays we seem to be taking it all more seriously. Why? As we see more examples of real, long-term relationships between consenting adults, we let go of the clichéd sex-driven stereotypes about wealthy older women and their money hungry boy toys.

As women become increasingly independent, they no longer seek men for the sake of security and stability. As a result, many have found a whole new dating pool in younger men where they never thought to look before. As our culture becomes more open-minded, more people consider dating outside the status quo and stepping out in those relationships; the more examples we see, the more accepting we become. The cycle continues as the old concept is broken down and a new one is strengthened.

This younger crop of men sees cougars as sex bombs as opposed to spinsters. They celebrate independent women, finding their experience and maturity a turn-on instead of a threat. Not surprisingly, women are finding that equally attractive in return.

Are you a woman who’s dated a younger man, or a man who prefers dating older women? Share your experience below!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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March 29, 2013 · 9:33 am

Where to Meet Men and Women Besides the Bars

by Jackie Potts

My weekend excursions to the local golf courses have become a bit of a running joke among my friends. But hey, I’m crazy like a fox – a digit-collecting fox!

Sure, I like to smack a golfball and make a birdie as much as the next newbie golfer, but, ladies, that’s not all that keeps me going back. The secret? Golf courses are like a man buffet without a ladyfinger in sight.  Not only do the men outnumber the women, but most male golfers are polite, welcoming and literally bend over backwards to help a golfette with her clubs or just make small talk before the next hole.

These outings have resulted in lots of dates, friendships and just pleasant afternoons. Which got me thinking: When it comes to meeting members of the opposite sex, are you working the odds? Forget crowded bars and restaurants, here are under-utilized places to meet guys and girls and make new MeetMoi intros:

Places to Meet Men:

Golf Courses  — Ladies, think of the driving range alley like your own personal runway and Work It.

Cigar Shops – Choose your flavor of stogie – caramel, cherry, even Amaretto – and your flavor of homme.

Dog Parks – Man’s best friend is who? That’s right, Grumpus Maximus.

Rock Shows/Concerts – Hit the concession stands and concourses – a great way to meet new people.

Places to Meet Women:

Nail Salons – Guys, you’d be more irresistible than Brad Pitt dipped in chocolate if you got a pedicure on a Saturday morning.

Yoga Classes – A dude performing the Warrior II pose? Namaste!

Yogurt Shops  – Invite your new yoga groupies to a yogurt shop after class. (There’s always one nearby.)

Farmer’s Markets – Sure, you might have to get up before 10 a.m., but think of the selection.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

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March 27, 2013 · 9:26 am

The Measures Of Monogamy

by Sabrina Cohen

Monogamy. Some believe it’s when both partners say, “I love you.” Others believe it’s triggered after a certain number of dates, or certain period of time. Some think it’s when you’ve had sex, while others believe it’s not until you’re “officially” down the aisle. There are some who will never get on the monogamy bandwagon.

With so many varying notions on when and how the line of monogamy is crossed, it’s no wonder that expectations get thwarted—and hearts dismayed or broken. There is, however, a simple solution to this otherwise complicated problem. Communication.

Let’s see how this works in action:

So, we’ve been dating for X weeks, and I really like how it’s going. I’m not interested in seeing anyone else, and I need to know if we’re on the same page. –Jane, dater

I don’t want to rush things, but I’m not into sleeping with someone who’s sleeping with other people. –Jason, dater

If you’re upfront and clear about your expectations, you can learn whether it’s really meant to be. Communication also creates the space to compromise…maybe your partner isn’t ready for monogamy, but communicates something that allows you to (willingly) adjust your expectations.

As long as things are out in the open, you can earn trust, liberate your own preferences, and ensure a smoother overall ride.

What’s your measure of monogamy? Tells us what works for you!

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

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March 14, 2013 · 9:25 am

What You Could Learn About Dating from Marilyn Monroe

By Jackie Potts

“A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left,” – Marilyn Monroe.

Pop culture is having another Marilyn moment, when movies, magazines and TV can’t seem to get enough of the dearly departed bombshell. But aside from her parted ruby lips and vava-voom figure, what enthralls us so?

In the TV series “Smash,” about the making of a fictional musical of the sex symbol’s life, the writers dish about Marilyn’s supposed innocence and vulnerability. It makes us wonder, how much of the mystique was “real”?

Turns out Marilyn was savvier than she looked. “The truth is I’ve never fooled anyone…I’ve let men sometimes fool themselves,” she admitted. Rowrrr! Here’s how single gals can benefit from her feline swagger too:

Be mysterious.  Don’t share all your secrets on the first or second date. In the “Prince and the Showgirl,” a randy royal tries to seduce her, but Marilyn is the perfect coquette – always keeping him at arm’s length and never revealing too many details about herself.

Have a sundae… or two. Marilyn was no Kate Moss, existing on cigarettes and coffee. She was a red-meat-eating carnivore, who ate steak and lamb chops — and adored hot fudge sundaes.

Embrace your curves. If you can’t, try Spanx. Perhaps because of those sundaes, she was also a voluptuous WHOA-man. And those curves spelled danger for many – a movie costumer. To contain them, Marilyn wore supportive undergarments – Spanx, to you and me.

Keep your sweetheart neckline in check. “The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage. They ought to worry if she hasn’t any,” quipped Marilyn. As a master (mistress?) of the flattering neckline, she also knew that, “uhm, your boobs go inside your shirt.”

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com. 

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February 21, 2013 · 10:00 am

Don’t Take This Personally: Advice for Single Parent Dating

By Jackie Potts

Dating is challenging enough when you’re a party of one, but imagine adding Mini-Mes to the mix. Still, plenty of funny, charming single parents want to meet and hang out too. This post is for you parents in the dating pool, and also you solo agents interested in dating single parents, but receiving mixed signals.

Parents have countless obligations. Take singlehood, and multiply it by 100. Recognizing these and not taking them personally makes dating a single mom/dad a lot simpler. For example, your single parent date might:

Arrive with spit-up on his shoulder, toys in her purse, or other thoughts on their minds. Don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s a slob, or she has ADD. It’s likely a temporary oversight.

Cancel at the last-minute. Kids are unpredictable. One minute they’re playing, and the next, “you’re standing in a pile of vomit in your stilettos,” says Sarah, divorced mom of 2. Kids also fall down, get in trouble, and, by the way, can’t drive.  All of these can impact your plans.

Not be spontaneous. Let’s say a co-worker gave you tickets to tonight’s Big Game and you invite the sports-fan dad you’ve been seeing. Instead of hugging you, he backs slowly away murmuring, “No, no, NO,” like Van Helsing confronting Dracula. Don’t panic. Single parents need at least a week’s notice, often two weeks, for a night out. They have to reserve a sitter, a back-up sitter, and another vomit-friendly sitter just in case the first two sitters are struck by ebola.

Refrain from inviting you home. Kids get attached more quickly than adults. Enough said!

Not have seen an (R-rated) movie in years:  One pro of dating a single parent is they’re
“easily pleased.” Having a conversation without the word “princess” can be enough to make their day.

Jackie Potts is a blogger at MarketSmiths.com.

 

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February 19, 2013 · 9:00 am

Dating & Dining: A 3-Course Comparison

by Sabrina Cohen

You can really get to know someone over dinner. Beyond the conversation are the cues that occur around the ritual itself. Do you project consideration and compassion, or is it all about you?

ORDERING

Does your date’s ordering style remind you of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally? … “I’d like the apple pie a la mode, but I’d like the pie heated and I don’t want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. And I’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, and if not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it’s real…

Ultra specific ordering can hint at signs of rigidity in other areas. It’s not about conforming: it’s about whether there’s any room for flexibility. It may be evidence of someone hyper-controlling.

SERVICE

Like it or not, servers withstand a lot of flack from the general public, versus being accorded respect for a job that requires brains, charisma, and serious hustle. The best test of character is the way one treats service staff. As a former waitress and bartender, nothing turns me off more than a guy who is condescending, dismissive or arrogant toward the staff at dinner. I’m still scarred by one who actually snapped his finger to get a waiter’s attention. Engaging the wait staff with eye contact and appreciation shows class and kindness.

RESILIENCE

On your next outing, notice your date’s ability to bounce back from disappointments, like an incorrect order, undesirable seating, or long wait. A positive response to setbacks at dinner can reflect an underlying ability to go with the flow in general. Life is full of mishaps. Being too uptight to laugh off an imperfect moment could be a sign of someone with unrealistic expectations, or worse—a bad attitude.

Keep the conversation going! Comment below on your dating & dining perspective.

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

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February 11, 2013 · 9:00 am

Do You Have a 30-Day Rule?

by Jackie Potts

1 date, 3 dates, 30 days, marriage? Do you have a standard amount of time you wait before hugging without jammies? Or do you believe arbitrary rules like these ruin the flow of a new thang?

We talked to a handsome, single guy in his 20s who says he used to hook up casually whenever he felt that special attraction. But not anymore.

Now he says he purposely waits a minimum of 30 days before engaging in the no-pants dance. Gianni, 26, says it’s a do-no-harm dating policy he’s developed to spare himself, but also women, unnecessary pain and drama.

“Men mistake physical attraction for mental compatibility,” he explains.

Go onnnnn, we said, not at all creepily.

“You see, I’ll talk on the phone with a girl for hours if I’m attracted to her,” he continues. That’s because before intimacy, he says he’d meet someone and find everything about her magical and compatible. She was an actuarian? No way! He’d always wanted to do that too! A wheelchair thief? Sweet! A petty crime rapsheet is so bra, bra.

But too many times, he says, once intimacy happened — Poof! The attraction disappeared, and suddenly stealing wheelchairs seemed kind of lame. And then although his attraction was gone – hers, perhaps sparked by the release of the “cuddle hormone” oxtyocin, had doubled or tripled.

As a result, his partner now expected a relationship, while he was ready to hit the bricks. He’d stop calling; she’d get upset.

“They always thought there was something wrong with them,” he says. “But there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me.”

By giving them both time to wait out the hormones, the 30-Day Rule took care of these painful misunderstandings. So tell us, is there an intimacy rule that works for you?

Jackie Potts is a blogger for Marketsmiths.com.

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February 5, 2013 · 9:00 am

First-Date Deal Breakers: The Male Perspective

by Sabrina Cohen

In my last MeetMoi post, single ladies shared the first-date behaviors that would constitute a deal breaker. Now it’s time to turn the tables for the male perspective. Read on ladies!

PREMATURE PROSPECTING

It’s important to gauge your date’s long-term goals, but not on a first date. Engaging in what you think is subtle prospecting only results in one thing—self-sabotage. If men sense you’re overly eager about the future on a first date, they’re likely to run for the hills. Our advice? Enjoy the moment and let the discovery process unfold naturally.

MOTOR MOUTHING

Some ladies have a tendency to monopolize conversation. Sharing should be a two way street. Spouting a million words a minute can be overwhelming and obnoxious. Our advice? Be aware of the balance. A good listener is great, but if he’s got that glazed-over look, you should probably take a breath and engage him.

OVERT INTOXICATION

Drinks can cool first-date nerves and fire up the mood, but there’s nothing attractive about a lady who can’t hold her liquor. In any language: SLOPPY ≠ SEXY! There may be guys out there willing to take advantage, but that’s unconscionable. And let’s face it, if you’re that drunk, it probably won’t end well anyway. 

MATERIAL GIRL

New York is a fashion forward city. Most men appreciate a well-dressed woman, but not when she’s accessorized with a superficial attitude. Obsessing over designer labels, expensive cars, “see and be seen” places, or any of the Real Housewives shows is excessive and unattractive. Our advice? Keep it real!

Share your thoughts with us below on these first-date DON’Ts.

Sabrina Cohen is a blogger, copywriter, and creative consultant for MarketSmiths.com.

 

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